The moment I awakened to the falsehood of routine existence, I was eager to know the Truth. I was so desperate for it, that I even thought about leaving my medical studies to embark on the quest for the truth, but my father convinced me that I must first become capable of earning my bread, to be able to focus better on my seeking.

Working as a medical student in the emergency ward of the hospital brought me face to face with death and suffering, and tore asunder the complacency of adolescent ‘invincibility.’ Now, each moment of living became even more precious and intense, for I knew, as a fact, that the very next moment could be the last. And so, the quest for Truth became even more urgent.

I would recite this every morning:

Look to this Day! For it is Life, the very Life of Life.

In its brief course lie all the verities and Realities of your Existence.

The Bliss of Growth, the Glory of Action, the Splendor of Beauty

– for Yesterday is but a Dream, and Tomorrow is only a Vision;

but Today well lived makes every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,

and every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.

Look well therefore to this Day!

Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!

KALIDASA

To honour each day, and to be able to get the best out of each passing moment, I developed a few exercises which I continued practising daily for a few months, till being intensely aware and alive at each moment became second nature for me. These exercises in awareness, along with spending a few hours as a volunteer in or around some hospital emergency ward, can help increase the awareness and urgency to seek in a true seeker of Truth.

Since I did not know where to find the Truth, I started by recognizing the untruths and rejecting all that was false. My urgency, intensity and awareness helped me to avoid falling in the trap of untruths – prevented me from falling out of the frying pan into the fire. Most people who awaken to the fasehood get caught in untruths. Though I managed to avoid the obvious ones, I was still fooled by the not-so-obvous untruths.

In this quest for the Truth, one has to be extra vigilant at each step, for the untruths come in many comforting guises:

1. There are untruths which are accepted, simply because everyone around is believing in them – like chasing money, security, fame etc. But once awakened, I did not need second thoughts to shun that which I clearly recognized as harmful – and lust for fame, for money, for false security, gurus, organised religions and even god – the gods that people use as an escape and as a crutch.

2. – then there are obvious untruths which are accepted because of ‘authority’ – like the religious scriptures, using the authority of God, take us for a ride (to heaven!) I  recognized that beliefs like after-life, soul, heaven and hell are needed by those who are unwilling to accept death as the dead end. And the crutch of Karma is needed by petty account-keeping minds seeking justice, solace, and revenge which they could not get in this life. One merely hurts oneself by deceiving oneself. ‘This above all, to thine own self be true,’ was my motto, for life is too short and precious to waste on self-deception.

I had no motive to deceive myself. If in the end I discovered the Truth that life has no meaning, then even this truth was welcome. I had no fear of my life going waste if I found nothing, for my seeking had started with the premise that the life we so mindlessly and routinely live is any case totally meaningless. I had no preconceived idea of the truth. Whatever the truth was – good bad or ugly – was welcome. But I would not accept a comforting falsehood. And I was not willing to compromise, just to fall into the arms of some comforting untruth. Truth was my beloved, and I knew I could not live without my beloved.

3. – then there are the Untruths we are willing to believe because of our gullibility and greed. We willingly give ‘authority’ to obvious charlatan ‘businessmen’ who pamper our ‘needs’ in the guise of gurus, doling out quick-fixes and spewing glib reassurances! Even some apparently enlightened gurus begin to take people for a ride once they become popular. Or perhaps they become popular because they start speaking what people want to hear, and not what the Truth actually is.

So, aware of our capacity for self-deception, I was extra-cautious, examining all the motives I could have for seeking, doubting every tempting answer I found, and questioning everything I did to find a solution. In short, I was being truly sceptic.

The obvious untruths I had shunned in an instant. What took time was to recognize and overcome the not-so-obvious untruths.

4. – Some not-so-obvious untruths are garbed as logic and philosophy. I browsed through the pages of philosophical, scientific and spiritual books, seeking the truth. One book led to another, one idea matured into another, one philosophy to another… but the truth I so desperately sought was nowhere in sight. I did not know what I was seeking – but my constant dissatisfaction revealed that I had not yet found what was sought. This is because most philosophies are flaw-sophies – clever arguments devised to cushion the shock of the fact that life is meaningless, and death is the end.

Jiddu Krishnamurti was one philosopher, or psychologist or spiritual teacher whom I read in detail, trying to grasp what he was attempting to convey. But I fully understood him only after enlightenment!

5. – and finally, there are half-truths that are worse than a whole lie, because they are difficult to detect. Most of us ‘rationally’ believe in the analogy of a spiritual seeker being described a drop of water or a stream that seeks to merge with the ocean. And so, we start out seeking that which is right here, right now. So, is a guru who tries to show a path is himself misguided? The idea of two becoming one is a fallacy, for there are no two. It is all an illusion, for the stream and the ocean are, in truth, ‘illusory’ manifestations of the All-enveloping water-vapour which is All there is. In truth, there is no separation, no distance, no path, and no time needed to be one with the Conscious Intelligent Allness which is the only Truth there is. When one is afire with thirst for the Truth, one can vaporise and merge with the all-encompassing water-vapour in an instant. There is no need to play the stream and ocean game. But one realizes this truth only after one becomes enlightened!

And for enlightenment, one has first to Romance the Truth.