These stages of awakening to falsehood, shunning the untruth, and romancing the truth, are not water-tight categories, but overflow and overlap as one’s stream flows through a pathless land towards the ocean. But enlightenment is irreversible and complete – either you are enlightened, or you are not, the ego ‘I’ is finally dead, or it is not. And this death unexpectedly came in the form of a bright-eyed, intelligent, innocent, 19-year-old girl. She had got admission in a medical college, and was eager to join. My whole quest of the past 17 years suddenly flashed in front of my eyes. I too had eagerly joined the medical college at age 18, full of dreams of the future, and at 19 I had recognized those dreams to be illusions, and had become a seeker of truth. I felt sad that she was not aware of the trap that she was falling into, and wished to awaken her to the falsehood. I knew that this awakening was important. But after her awakening, could I give her the truth? I had been intensely seeking the truth for 17 years and was feeling betrayed by this futile search —for in seeking a logical reason in something that is beyond the logical framework, one ends up with the loss of innocence and trust, and gains only absurdity in the bargain!

She was bright, intelligent and eager to learn. I started by explaining to her that there is more to life than just becoming a doctor; that she must seek the true purpose of life. I told her of my awakening to falsehood, my shunning of the untruth and how I was romancing the truth by writing a novel. She read the Suicide Note which the lady in the novel had written. That note presents a lucid and no-nonsense view of lifeand concludes that logic can find no ultimate meaning for existence.

After a couple of days she unexpectedly came to the clinic, requesting that she wanted to read the suicide note again. I sensed sorrow in her voice. There is nothing more sorrowful than causeless sorrow – the sorrow that arises on coming in contact with the tragic sense of life… the sorrow on realizing that life has no meaning and death is a dead end. I felt that I was responsible for her sorrow. ‘What is the meaning of life?’ she asked, and her innocent question created a great turmoil within me. She naively trusted life to have a meaning and looked expectantly at me, waiting for a short, clearcut answer. How then could I look her in the eye and say with confidence: ‘This is it!’ when I myself had not found the truth despite seeking it intensely for 17 years.

My struggle of 17 years to understand life suddenly seemed worthless. For what use is the knowledge that cannot soothe the troubled heart of an innocent child? Though I myself was on the brink of despair, I could not bear to see her faith falter, her belief betrayed, her innocence injured. I could not deceive her trusting eyes. In my agony I wanted to wring out every drop of my life blood, squeeze out the essence of every piece of knowledge I had, and offer it to her, in order to keep alive her trust and preserve her innocence forever.

Why did this simple query of hers evoke such intense emotion?” I was tormented, for at that moment she was not one little girl asking this question – she was Life itself, Childhood itself, Innocence incarnate, gazing expectantly at me, come to my door for a sip of solace, and I could offer nothing worthwhile from my storehouse of vain knowledge. This realisation of the futility of bookish knowledge, the worthlessness of my gold-brick, combined with the intense desire to see her trusting innocent eyes full of life, love and laughter, suddenly opened up my heart to nurture her as my daughter, to shield her from sorrow and offer her all I had.

With a hungry child clinging to her dry breast, wouldn’t a helpless mother cry out in agony and beat her parched breasts begging that they start oozing milk so that she is able to quench the hunger and thirst of the little one come into her care? She was that hungry child, and I, that unfortunate mother with my breast full of dry, impotent knowledge. And then the miracle happened! When the mother’s anguished cry is from the whole being, the breasts become engorged, and milk surges out, not merely enough for her child, but spilling over to nourish the children of the whole world. It is not a giving but an overflowing—arising from immensity, not from necessity. The consciousness that had expanded to include her as my own, suddenly became vast enough to encompass the whole of creation. The whole world tumbled into this cradle of the arms that had opened wide to welcome her as my child. Now everyone in the world appears to be my own— to love, to protect, and to nurture. And suddenly my whole being was deluged with the bliss of liberation, the consciousness of immortality, the wisdom of love, the peace of surrender, the radiance of truth.  

It is only when this gold brick hits one on the head that one suddenly awakens, and the light of truth is seen everywhere. This is the moment of enlightenment. Then one no longer desires the brick, for one becomes gold, and everything one sees is bathed in the golden light of Truth.

It was her hunger that had made me the bounteous mother! I am ever indebted to her for imprinting my neurons with a sensitivity that makes me see daughters wherever I look. She has made my life so rich, my world so full of beautiful daughters. That’s the last memory of my autobiography! After that, no ‘I, no ‘My,’ even no Me, only Thee. Next morning, the ‘Me’ who woke up was without the ‘I,’ and without an answer. Now I realize there is no answer, for there is no questioner left for the questioning ‘I’ is dead, and the Me is merged with the ultimate truth. I felt I owed her an answer, for I owe my enlightenment and my bliss to her! But how could I pass this on to her? This truth needs to be experienced, not merely by the brain, but by each cell of the body—by the very electrons crazily spinning in our brain and our heart. The whole truth, that is without parts, cannot be assembled or experienced through our logic.

But how could I feed her this experience of Ultimate Truth through words, for the limitless cannot be expressed with a limited tool. The experience is ineffable – beyond words – and is only personally experienceable, and so I couldn’t give her the answer but could strive to lead her to that experience. AND THIS IS MY PASSION FOR THE BLOG – to lead everyone to that experience, for everyone is my child who deserves to experience this CeLiberation. Every true seeker deserves to quench his thirst. And so, I have become The Salesman of Thirst – to help make you true seekers first.

Enlightenment is a state of CeLiberation – a Celebration of Completion, Bliss and Immortality (CBI) and a Liberation from all Attachment, Insecurity, Memory and the Self (AIMS).